This year our family has gone through several losses. (Not to mention the family members over the past few years which we have grieved for and now moving forward.) I lost my husband in 2004. A few years later, the good Lord saw fit to give me someone else to love. A second chance! A clean slate! There is hope in loss. God wants you to be happy. He is your father. He loves you! Stop running from your Savior, from your safety! (that's for someone reading this, not a planned comment).
Now our family is in a season where our pets are starting to age out. It has been a very difficult year for our family as we have lost four pets so far this year, two dogs and two cats. Last year we lost a cat, the year before we lost two cats. We were hoping for a breather...MY GOODNESS!!!
Yes, we have a lot of animals on our ranch, we joke about doing our part. (we have more pets than most folks care to). Almost every living thing we have is a rescue. Including wildlife. It is how God wired us and provides for us. We like to think of Matthew 25:40 with regards to stray pets...
And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’
It is taking me quite a while to grieve our dog, (the other lived with our daughter, but she was here a few years as well) as we lost her suddenly and unexpectedly in January. The cat that we lost 2 weeks ago was very special, he was between 16 and 20 years old. We gave him a good life, but, in return he blessed us immensely. He is worth every tear. He was the perfect cat!!!
I wrote something the day after we lost him because I was just so broken. This cat had cancer so I had a few months to grieve and somewhat prepare while he was dying. It is interesting how the loss of our dog was so different compared to the loss of this cat in particular. I was just thinking about all the pets we had lost and how sad we all have been. The grief has been immense. Maybe it's because of the stacked human loss over the years as well, it just sort of wells up all over again (many relate). Ever since my late husband passed, it is so difficult to sit through a funeral. It stirs up all those feelings again. Side note: Just know if you've lost a family member we are not expected to get over it, we are expected to grieve the loss and move forward and learn to live without them. That carries it's own set of challenges. There will always be days of sadness.
We lost our dad 15 years ago and miss him so much! He was my rock, so wise, smart and kind, not a meddler or control freak. It seems as though the good ones go before the difficult ones, that is for sure. Maybe because of God's mercy and their ability to quietly come to God's will and ways while we all continue to woller in our own messes.
During the grieving process, human or pet, we must learn to be grateful for the time that we had them. They were an assignment from God. His gift or his instructor. We must find the silver lining in all things, because it is there. Many unbelievable blessings came during these times of loss. When our hope is in Jesus, we know we will reunite with our loved ones who choose Jesus to be their Lord and savior.
Isn't it just like Jesus to bring something in to pay attention to during our time a grief? While I was caring for this cat in his last days, a stray that we've been feeding off and on, (off and on meaning she shows up once in a while for the past 2 years plus), decided to make our backyard her home at night. This started last November. Maybe a thank you for the bowl of food on our porch??? She was hunting rodents for us. Anyway, one of our neighbors mentioned that she she had kittens, but then she moved them. So I checked with another neighbor and she said she saw her, but, again she had moved her kittens. We never saw them, but, she did come with a belly ready to give birth. She decided to have her litter of kittens underneath a shed in our backyard. This took place while I was hand feeding and loving on our cat that was dying. It was a sobering moment. New life out back, seven kittens and a desperately hungry mama. Aside from dry food, we fed her 5 or 6 5.5 oz cans of catfood and kitten formula!!! She is still a rail!!! My daughter has been consulting with a very generous vet, we are working on restoring these cats to be who God intended them to be. God was trying to show me the cycle of life. As much as we wanted to hang on to our cat we knew he had to go, his body was failing him because he was very sick. That is the hard thing about cats. They fight so hard to live. Then there is the matter of these kittens out back that need us so desperately. Just here a short time to get them off to homes, catch mama, (UPDATE: caught and doing well, we kept 2 kittens, found homes for the rest) get her spayed, feed her, care for her and hopefully she will stick around. Update: she is not a housecat, will not let us touch her, but, she plays with her kittens through the screen or slider. They know eachother's names. We have trained her to sleep in the garage. She has made us her home.
This was just God's way of showing me that life here on Earth is blessed but at the same time it is cursed. Cursed meaning we get sick, age and we die. There are just certain challenges on this earth that we all have to deal with and we should wisely look for those opportunities of learning and serving when possible. (Always look for the lesson in new situations.) As much as I miss my cat these kittens have filled that gap of service in many ways. Not to mention my kitten fix. I am sure when it is time for all these kittens to get their homes, it will finalize our transition to our new lives without our perfect cat. He has definitely left a hole. We miss his presence and so do the other survivors, his buddies.
Please do not get this wrong we have 5 cats. Four inside when one outside by choice. The lesson here is stewardship. The Lord has appointed us to be stewards over all on earth. Genesis 1: 26-28. This stray mama needs help. It is our job as stewards to serve, fix, oversee and hand these kittens off to good responsible stewards. They deserve nothing less.
As I mentioned earlier there are animals we connect with more than others and same with people. This cat was with me through thick and thin. Our family has been through a lot of changes and transitions over the years and I guess he is a marker for all that. He is God's way of saying do not stay stuck in grief. We must grieve our losses, learn to live without him through this transition, and then move forward. That is what life is all about those, three things. I know this is over simplifying, but, the Lord never intended us to stay in grief over people we lost many years ago. So many people are doing that. They hang onto the past yet they miss out on the future, what God has for them. Please do not think I am trying to minimize any this. I have lost a spouse, my father, uncle, grandfather (in a 5 year window, every man in our family except for my brother) and friends. Not only was I dealing with my grief, I was also dealing with my daughters and their grief. It is difficult, very difficult. But, be mindful of the fact that we live in a cursed life. A life that was cursed from sin, the sin of Adam and Eve.
This is the life we have to live until Jesus comes for us. Reading the word of god shows us how others just like us lived. There is no difference between people 2000 years ago and people today. We all have our struggles. I did want to make one final comment on grief and what The Bible says about it. If you think you have it bad, read the book of Job. I think the book of Job would make most people have great empathy for Job and show less sympathy for themselves.
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
1 Thessalonians 4:13
But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Psalm 147:3 [God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Romans 15:4 For whatever things were written before [in the Bible] were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.
Let us look at the length of grief. There is no formula on how to grieve or how long to grieve or how long before you re-enter society. But, I did pick up some tips that many may find helpful. This was new to me. I had two adolescent daughters to care for during this time. So here are a few things that may help someone in this situation. I had children to think of, not just myself. I did make some mistakes and regret some things during that time, but, there is no book or instruction manual on how to do this. So maybe someone can glean from some of the mistakes I made, and not repeat them. The most obvious thing I can remember was taking on the grief of my children. As parent's we do not want our children to suffer. It is one of the hardest things to watch. Knowing how I felt, it was difficult to imagine how they felt, how scared they must have been to lose a parent at a young age. The mistake I made was I stopped being a parent to them, stopped reprimanding them and correcting them. It felt like it would it was too much for them. However, the result of good intentions caused a ton of trouble...their anger increased towards me, and the level disrespect that came with it was unnerving to say the least. So, the free tip for those who may experience or are experiencing this is to remain strong and steady as a parent, continue to be that pillar instead of their friend during this time of grief.
Now on to the things that worked for our family. We stayed together and isolated ourselves for about a year. This helped the 3 of us grieve together, reconnect and just have an appreciation towards one another.
Tips we followed:
1. Join a gym.
2. Get enough sleep
3. Eat well
4. Continue to serve at church
5. Go to church ( let them love you through this).
6. Take mini vacations, day trips.
7. Take a longer, 2 week vacation asap. We chose Hawaii.
8. Ignore the TV, social media and spend time together building each other up.
9. Give them a year.
10. Time to do a revitalized re-entry into society, no hiding.
That is what we did. During that time our church had a group of adults that some were either widowers or recovering from divorce. I joined that and served there as well. It gave us all equals to to discuss our challenges with loss. To get through those hard times of being alone. As the years passed it got easier and I eventually met someone, remarried, and now living a good happy life. In fact I'm closer to God now than I ever was before. But, my new marriage put me back into the wilderness as God had more refinement to do with both of us. Just know that when you go through losses, there's many smaller losses that happen during this time as well. I have found that God uses this time to flush the dross from our lives, break us down and then reveal to us what he wants to pour into that vessel. It is so important to allow ourselves to become clay in the Potter's hands, the potter being God. As we need these things to learn our lessons. The problem with not learning is we WILL continue to experience the same trials and tribulations until we learn it and pass the test. It is that simple. Read about the israelites in the wilderness for 40 years. That was about an 11 day trip. But, because of their mindset, the people of Israel turned it into a 40 year life style. The original people that saw all the miracles that God performed for them during that time never got to the promise land. In fact I think only a few of their children made it. That is because even their children had the same mindset.
Watch those generational curses and habits! Keep that in mind as you go through these things. Pray and ask God to show you those deep faults and hidden sins you may be blind to. Ask him to refine you and to show you his will and his way. He will come so alive in your hearts and in your minds. It will be unbelievable!!! The harder you seek him, the the more he appears to you.
For all those that did lose a spouse, make Jesus your significant other. For women make him your husband. For guys it's a little harder in seems weird to make God your spouse in today's society, but, make him your significant other. Bounce your ideas off of him, have those discussions that you would normally have with your spouse with him and watch your relationship grow. I really cannot comment from a guy's point of view as to how that all works. I have heard other men say it feels weird, but, once they get past the point of I will not make you my spouse, but, I will see you as my father, their relationship changes. Men just know that you are part of the bride as well and the father sees you as the bride of Jesus, his son.
How long do we mourn? Deut 34:8. And the people of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days. Then the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended. Gen 50:10 When they came to the threshing floor of Atad, which is beyond the Jordan, they lamented there with a very great and grievous lamentation, and he made a mourning for his father seven days. Numbers 20:29 And when all the congregation saw that Aaron had perished, all the house of Israel wept for Aaron thirty days. Do what is right for you.
After the initial mourning period of 2 weeks, funeral, family and friends dropping by sort of ends....we then took a year of mourning and doing things I mentioned earlier. After the year, remember, time to move forward. Staying stuck is demonic oppression. Learn the difference between healthy " I miss you, VS. depression. We as believers have the hope of a reunion, not only with Jesus, but, with ALL we loved and cared for, providing they accepted Jesus. John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
This is a little something I would like to share with you all. Maybe it will help someone. I wrote this the day after we lost our beloved cat, during my prayer and study time.
"We are not to focus on what is lost, however, we should take time to remember each one of them. Each one shaped who we are today. Whether it be a paw print or human touch, we are who we are because of them. Pets can enter places we allow no one else to enter. Since they are gift of God, he can do his work through them. Work which may not be accomplished any other way. When they pass, that is why it hurts so much. Every living thing is connected. Some more than others. When we are matched with that right person or pet, a relationship and a soul tie takes place. Although tears stream down my face today and my heart hurts like h***, I can fondly look back on the memories and the joy each one gave me.
ASSIGNMENT COMPLETE!!!
All I ask is that you remember us, check on us once in a while and know that when you left, you took a piece of our hearts too.
One day we will all be rejoined, one big happy family. With the father and all who made it back to him." See you on the other side.😁 END....
There is a show I really like to listen to, it's called tribulation now radio. Johnny's had a couple of guests on their who have spoken about pets, who have had visions and visitations to heaven. They all come back with slightly different reports which only verifies that the father allows us to see certain things. This has been known to be true with several different visitations. Some mirror and others do not. And with regards to the pets, some are seen waiting at our heavenly mansions, some are seen looking through portals from heaven onto Earth to check on their families. Some are receiving medals of valor for their service on Earth. Now that is cool!!! Here is the thing we all have to grasp as human beings. God is so much more than what we are being told. He is so big. We tend to put God in this tiny Box and we think of things in such a limited way. We have to remember that there's a purpose for everything, everyone and in every encounter. Every conversation we have, every word that is spoken, every prayer that is prayed. It is all connected. I really do hope that this helps somebody, helps to encourage someone. Losses are not easy.
BE ENCOURAGED WITH THESE WORDS WHEN YOU BELONG TO JESUS:
Revelation 21:4 "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
May the Lord Jesus be a daily part of who you are. May you find your purpose and boldly blaze a new trail of blessing and adventure. The second set of foot prints belong to Jesus during those times in life where he carried you, when you were too bound up to move, when you could not do for yourself. He loves all people, even the most vile. No sin is too great for him. Surrender to Jesus.
God bless you.
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